Letterman's Top Ten Perks of Being a Member of the National Baseball Hall of Fame
(As Read By various Hall of Famers)

10. I get a ballpark frank for a reduced price of only $20 (Lou Brock).
9. If I don't have the money for the Domino's kid, I hand him any old bat and say, "I used this to hit my 500th home run" (Harmon Killebrew).
8. I once saw Earl Weaver naked (Brooks Robinson).
7. All the rosin you can eat (Ralph Kiner).
6. I'm not just a guy with a crazy mustache, I'm a Hall of Famer with a crazy mustache (Rollie Ringers).
5. "I gotta do Hall of Fame stuff" -- perfect excuse to get out of plans the wife made (Bob Gibson).
4. I can run on the field shirtless and there ain't a damn thing you can do about it (Phil Niekro).
3. Get to appear on lame late night talk show (Bob Feller).
2. We're the only ones who can rebroadcast or retransmit an account of a game without the express written consent of Major League Baseball (Ozzie Smith).
1. One free swing at a costumed mascot of my choice (Gary Carter).