[Fast-talking disclaimer] This is NOT REAL. Serena Williams DID NOT write the following letter, or any of the letters in this thread. All posts in this thread are purely fictitious and should be read as pure irreverence and mockery. No animals were harmed by any of these posts. [/Fast talking disclaimer]


Mr. Bollettieri:

F*** you and the horse you rode in on.

While I appreciate your vein and publicity-seeking request letter in The Independent, I'll have to decline your invitation to your rubber-stamp tennis factory, ur, um, I mean, academy.

I realize I'm not in as good shape as I could be, but at least I don't look like an iguana.

If your business and ego are ailing so badly that you need to write such a letter, I will gladly make a donation to your establishment. After all, I'm rolling in it.

Sincerely,

Serena Williams

Well, she may not have written it, but I suspect you've captured her thoughts on the matter rather accurately.

I just hope she wiped the barbeque sauce stains off the letter before she sent it.

Hysterical.

LOL...hilarious. Serena don't give a damn what some dried up Louis Vuitton leather skinned lookin man has to say. He's just mad he can't take credit for either sister's success.

REad his letter--he tries to take credit for everything. Well, if Tennis Guy had provided the link that is.

[ January 22, 2006, 05:49 PM: Message edited by: shore ]

OK, OK, point taken. I thought people would have seen it in the other thread, but if not...

The link that airrunner was kind enough to post in the other thread

I think he's right. She's out of shape and her game isn't what it is supposed to be. The majority of her income is from endorsements. If she isn't winning, her endorsements will dry up and go to Sharpie or, gasp, Hingis with her resurgence.

Serena needs to get her head out of her ass and get back on top. The same goes for Venus.

I guess because Bollettieri isn't making the money he wants at the academy, he's turned back to his other profession -- turning letters into money.

When I hear the name Bollettieri I don't think of Sartre and de Beauvoir, but he sure seems to believe his letters count as literature. 50% of his silly autobiography *My Aces My Faults* consists of allegedly private screeds he's sent to people like Mary Pierce and "Papa" Seles.

Bolletierri gloats over not letting Pierce eat tiramisu, so I'm sure he'd have a lot of fun controlling Serena's diet -- when hell freezes over.

In this case I don't think Serena needs the genius of the Sunburnt King. Everyone else is telling her the exact same thing. But will she listen?

I agree that the idea of his writing that letter is ridiculous, but I love the image of him trying to keep Pierce from eating tiramisu. Must have worked, since when she came back from injury several years back, she was hauling as much "baggage" as the Queen Mary ocean liner.