Laker coach Phil Jackson has offered a new explanation of the contentious relationship between Kobe Bryant and Shaquille O'Neal:

"People don't understand, they're like brothers. They're like Cain and Abel, they're just scrumming over the blood and the fruit. You know, who's going to have which sacrifice that means the most to God. So they have their little disagreements, but they are very attached in each other's minds and in the team way, too. I think both of them have been together for long enough to have adopted each other's plights and their cares. And sometimes their concern does get personal, but that's normal things that you have in a family."

My only questions: which one is Cain, the one who in a fit of intense jealousy kileld his brother Abel? Oh, and does Jackson consider himself to be God who judges their sacrifices?

~Adam

Or maybe they're just wealthy egomaniacs, Phil.

Fans that don't live here and don't read the Los Angeles Times sports page every day can't imagine how f**king tedious this whole thing is. It's been going on since Kobe got drafted and I've had it. I've been a Lakers fan since 1972 and watched Wilt and West and then Kareem and Magic publicly peacefully co-exist, but these two maroons can't?

Add Payton's pathetic whining about playing time and the triangle offense and it has me hoping that:

1) The Lakers get bounced in the first round so I won't have to hear about them until October

2) Kobe leaves so Shaq will shut. the. f**k. UP. about whose team it is

3) Payton leaves

4) Jackson leaves so they can get a coach in who actually looks like he cares during the regular season; it's easy to be The Zen Master when you've had Jordan and then Shaq/Kobe

A pox on all of 'em.

[ March 04, 2004, 02:35 PM: Message edited by: Jim Allen ]

Did I just see an objective Laker fan fly by? I should tell my friends, but no one would belive me.

Yes GP, back to Seattle, I see now, He wanted to destroy the Lakers from within! GO GP! Sonics

Jim, I go back even further than you--all the way to Darrell Imhoff as the Laker center & would gladly attend games when Jerry West and Elgin Baylor led the team in the Sports Arena--and always lost to Boston in the finals. Damn you, Red Auerbach!!! I agree with everything you posted about "As the Lakers Turn" and would add that I'm sick & tired of the arrogance of the players who seem to believe they can coast through the regular season--cheating the paying audience--and then turn it on during the playoffs. In any seven-game series, the Lakers would have to be considered a force to be reckoned with, but I hope they get bounced in the first round--or, even better, miss the playoffs entirely. And please Shaq: shut up!! I am exhausted of "The Big" whatever-he's-calling-himself this week! I find if I skip JA Adande's column I'm much happier.

~Adam

In the latest episode of "As the Lakers Turn," (also known as "All My Childish Lakers") there is hand-wringing galore over Kobe Bryant seeming to tank during this past Sunday's game against the Kings (or, as Shaq has called them, "the Sacramento Queens.") Kobe attempted just one field goal in the first half, ending the game with 13 attempted shots. It is a truth universally acknowledged that his game was a response to edcriticism by Phil Jackson and some teammates; in the past, Bryant has often pouted and sulked when faced with criticism. Now, an anonymous Laker is quoted: "I don't know if we can forgive him."

Oh, puh-leeze!!! The next time Bryant (the petulant egomaniac) leads the team to a victory or scores a game-winning shot all will be well. Of course, he could also buy each of his teammates a $4 million tennis bracelet.

~Adam

I love that Kobe made a point of complimenting the Kings stifiling defense. The Kings haven't played defense since they were in Kansas City!

I watched the game and the postgame interviews. When I heard Shaq's "expletive" I just thought here we go again. I enjoyed watching the Lakers lose though. I'm a huge Spurs fan and think it's funny how the Lakers are falling apart. I'd love to see the Blazers beat 'em again on Wednesday.

Stinger how is it that you and I are both Vikings and Spurs fans?!?!? What an odd coincidence!

The Lakers can be had even with Karl and Gary jumping on just to scam a ring.

Maybe the two of you are one and the same. wink

I look forward to the day when Shaq and Kobe have a fight on the court in the middle of the game. I guess it'll have to happen quickly, though, because if it doesn't there's the risk that free agent Kobe will sign elsewhere...or go to jail, of course.

The latest in this mind-numbing saga: Kobe was vaguely criticized for his shot selection--in a very roundabout way--and so on Sunday against the Kings, he appeared to be tanking it, taking only one shot in the first half as if to say "f**k you guys. You don't like my shot selection? I won't shoot at all then". Of course, the Times is treating this like The. Most. Important. Thing. EVER., giving it blanket coverage.

Please, please, PLEASE, whoever plays the Lakers in the first round, please sweep them, blowing them out 120-70 every game. This is the season from hell; before last week, my friend Buzzer and I were saying "Ah f**k! they're going to sleepwalk through the season and STILL get the #1 seed". Luckily, that's probably not going to happen.

Maybe Kobe will buy Phil a $6 million bracelet to apologize.

I also love the Simpsons (I think you and JIP are the othe Simpson fanatics). Maybe we are one and the same. If you say you like guys too it will just be way too creepy....

If these two can play Cain & Abel without one killing each other maybe it will rewrite the Bible. Then it would be worth it.

I'm more interested in whether Larry Brown and the Pistons can win a championship using only defense. That could restructure the NBA. Even more worthwhile.

I'm no fan of the defensive teams winning in football, but in basketball it's a long lost art.