Another great first person account by someone who was true to themselves and to those they coached.

[ July 17, 2005, 10:28 PM: Message edited by: Jim at Outsports ]

Glad to read this account. Very happy for the coach. Similiar to his story about stretching a player after coming out, many years ago while in college I danced with a girl who had broken up with her boyfriend. I recalled none of it, but many years later she told me about it and how my paying attention to her that evening after the breakup and with her boyfriend in the room had meant so much to her and helped her through that evening. We often do not know how our actions affect others, so it's best to be good and kind.

Speaking of coaches, I wonder how Frustrated__Coach is doing.

Interesting story. Personally, I believe that, gay or straight, a coach's personal life should not be the business of the kids he or she coaches. So I found it interesting that the coach found the need to tell the kids he coaches, of which he should maintain a professional relationship.

As someone who spent 6 years in boarding schools, it would have been virtually impossible for the students not to have made that discovery eventually on their own considering he lived in one of the dorms. He was right to be up front about it.

And if a straight coach has pictures of his wife and kids on his desk, he is also broadcasting his sexual orientation. One can argue they are also making a public display, so why do we get bothered if a gay person is just as honest?

Then let them see the pictures, let the kids find out on their own ... there's no need to call any sort of team meeting .. by doing that you are also making it seem like it is some big deal. It isn't. Just be yourself.

In a boarding school environment where you are not only their coach but their house master I think he did the right thing. Much better than letting rumours go round the school and then to the parents.

Should the straight coaches have a team meeting to let them know they are straight?

No, because the straight coaches have no doubt mentioned a wife, girlfriend or kid (or those on their staffs have told the athletes), so there is no need to. Straight people have no "closet" where they have to hide and concoct double lives for themselves. Better this coach be honest with everyone about who he is, rather than let the rumor mill take over, which is inevitably does.

[ July 23, 2005, 11:39 PM: Message edited by: Jim at Outsports ]

I've often found on the job (and I've had too many of them as a temp employee) that when people assume you are straight they tend to feel betrayed when they find out your are gay. If they never had any reason to be ashamed of what they said or did around you while they thought you were straight they probably would not have anything to be ashamed of knowing you are gay. It would be nice to live in a perfect world where we all treated people the same in public and private, but til, then gays need to come out.

If it is the truth then the "rumor mill" isn't taking over. By sitting down and making some grand announcement you are making a big deal out of being gay -- and it isn't a big deal. It is important to make people realize that there isn't anything wrong, different or strange about being gay -- and you are feeding into those ideas if you have to make an announcement. Just live your life, it will be bound to come up. There was the mention that wives and families come up in casual conversation -- that is how a partner of a gay coach should come up to. A lot of gay people complain that they aren't always treated the same as striaght guys in sports or society in general. That will stop when you stop acting different. I've never been treated differently, I'm just one of the guys -- but I'm also not standing up and making some grand speech that should cause someone to treat me differently. By doing that you make it seem like something IS wrong with you.

Never did I sit someone down and make such a speech. Everyone found out through casual conversation with me ... a guy friend asking if I thought a girl was hot and me saying no, but her boyfriend is, me telling a friend I think her friend is hot, or coming out in the middle of a conversation about politics or gay issues. Stuff like that. I've never sat someone down and told them.

I haven't ever experienced anyone feeling betrayed when they found out I'm gay, but if that ever happened, that is their issue. And if they have something to be ashamed of saying or doing around you when they don't know you are gay, maybe that is the best lesson for them -- it will make them think twice before they say something around anyone in the future.

But the bottom line is that there should be a line between public and private life for coaches and players regardless of someone's sexual orientation. Stuff may come up in casual conversation occaisionally, but I believe that is where it should come up.

Sportinlife: "I've often found on the job (and I've had too many of them as a temp employee) that when people assume you are straight they tend to feel betrayed when they find out your are gay. If they never had any reason to be ashamed of what they said or did around you while they thought you were straight they probably would not have anything to be ashamed of knowing you are gay. It would be nice to live in a perfect world where we all treated people the same in public and private, but til, then gays need to come out. "

As usual, Sport, a very helpful insight into what's at stake. Thanks.