Just a quick note to clearly say...

Esera, I'm proud of you. It took guts and I truly hope the demons are gone.

I stupidly assumed every athlete in every sport watched Sportscenter hoping to make the top ten plays of the week or at least a favorable word or highlight. I can't imagine what it's like to perform to the best of your ability then go home and hope your perfomance didn't impress anyone enough to spotlight you.

I'm sure there are other athletes that will be feeling that same stress tonight and I hope your revelation helps them in some way to deal. It really must be hell.

Good luck with the family and the acting and singing.

Maddog

Wholehearted support here. Good luckto him, especially with the kids. They are probably most important to him now that he's dealt with his own deamons.

Reading the NYTimes article I was struck by how uninformed and presumptious Sterling Sharpes comments sounded. He seemed to be trying to speak for all, or at least an immense majority, of the players in the NFL. I hope and suspect that he does not. Time will tell.

I was also touched by Dave Kopay's regrets that he could not have the family life and less homophobic society that Tuaolo has. There are a lot of young gay people out there who admire Kopay. I hope he takes some solace from that.

I liked Tuaolo's use of the word "reference" as opposed to "role-model" when speaking of how he would like young gay peolple to view him. It emphasizes that young people will inevitably have to make their own choices, and mistakes. One can only hope that they will not repeat the mistakes of others.

Good Luck Esera & partner...We are football players...we are cops...we are fathers...we are EVERYWHERE!

I admire Tualo's courage in coming out. For any gay man or lesbian woman coming out is a decision that is not an easy one to make. We take a look at ourselves, our life, and we consider how others, people we know and love and the world in general, will view us. I do believe that the decision to come out should be made by the individual: that is they should not be outted.
Tuaolo probably felt the time was right and I'm sure felt he had the support of his companion and loved ones. Good for him.
I wish him and his companion and their children the best.

Alfonso

He has set a superior example. Get yourself together first - cuz, once you're out, you're on your own - but the leap is DEFINITELY worth considering.

I think his decision was worthy of note, both as a social one AND as an economic one.

Icing on the cake: not only is Tuaolo an ex-gay NFL man, he proved that, as a gay man, he put up with all that the NFL requires of a MAN (whatever that means to ANYONE) for 9 years (doing his job satisfactorily) without saying ANYTHING - for his, life, for the stability of the relationship with the man of his dreams, and for his kids.

His message is SUPERLATIVE. How many many macho guys have put with that kind of pain, stress, inconveniences, etc. ad infinitum - for a healthy life and bank account?

[ October 29, 2002: Message edited by: bluebird48234 ]

[ October 30, 2002: Message edited by: bluebird48234 ]

I don't understand, bluebird? Once you're out, you're on your own? Hasn't his story actually proven that when you're in the closet, that's when you're really alone?

He met his partner and adopted his babies years after retiring from football. His nine years playing were for himself, admirably, but the partner and the babies came later and no doubt showed him that being out and honest was what really matters.

Oh, so he's just telling his story for the sake of letting people know that you can be gay and in the NFL?

I hadn't understood this from what I read.

The "on your own" comment was meant to say that he and his partner had to make a final decision that they would field everything, come what may, after he came out (it's a little different if his retiring was years ago).

I did not mean he would not have moral and loving support, but support does not equal (physical) safety.

No matter the timeline, I am very, very happy about him and for him.

[quote]Originally posted by bryan d.:
He met his partner and adopted his babies years after retiring from football...

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It couldn't have been that many years after. His NFL rookie year was in 1991 and he played pro for 10 years, so that makes 2000-2001 his last season of play. If he met his partner immediately after the last game of the last season, he could have had no more than 22 months to find a mate, court, fall in love, work out the kinks, adopt two kids, and decide to come out publicly.

WOW! I'd say the guy moves pretty damn fast for a 300-pound lineman!

Hell... I've been at this for over a decade and can't even find a decent dating partner for a month or so.

Where's my copy of "Some Guys Have All The Luck" by Rod Stewart?

[quote]Originally posted by YellaDawg:


Hell... I've been at this for over a decade and can't even find a decent dating partner for a month or so.

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It took me a couple of decades. It'll happen when it's right.

He retired in 1999...

[ October 29, 2002: Message edited by: bryan d. ]

I thought I read--I could be wrong--that they referred to him as his partner of five years, implying that he met him while he was still playing football.

Well that was very good, Tuaolo's certainly gotten his act together. He said he and his partner have been together five years, so there was what, two years overlap?

Sterling Sharpe was very sure that a guy who came out would be off the team within days. A poignant moment occurred when Tuaolo was recalling a locker room situation, he halts, goes silent and reflective, a dark cloud crosses his features. To the interviewer, "You took me back there, man, I was right back there..." A stark glimpse into the way he had to live his life.

I'm so glad he's happy, and doing the right thing.

[ October 29, 2002: Message edited by: redsoxbreath ]

Hey Redsox,

Agreed. Just saw it myself. Esera was great: confident, self-assured, and offering NO APOLOGIES for who he is. His attitude seems to be "I know who I am. Got a problem with that?"
I also felt it was really poigiant when he got quiet, paused, looked away, and said "You took me right back there."
Poor guy. We've all had the issues of coming out and dealing with it, but it must have REALLY been hell for him, being a football player and all.
Best of luck to him.

My father and brother were in football (my father as a school coach and PE teacher), and although I could go into the horrors that my abusive family represents, I feel so deeply BEFRIENDED my a man such as Tuaolo who did the remarkable. Football money and power can be as controlling and nasty as organized crime (trust me, I know), in addtion to working year after year with bigots who are in your face all the time (physically, mentally, emotionally) - boasting, cajoling - always shouting how great they and their lives are..... Paul Robeson is the only person I know of whose story even comes close to Tuaolo's in terms of abuse stoically suffered on a sports team.

There are VERY few inspirational figures who touch me so personally and so closely. This speaking out against oppression, cultural imperialism and discrimination, from a point of strength when Mr. Tuaolo is free of person and financially independent, is a reality that is a bit difficult (nevertheless, GREAT!! ) to grasp, at times. I mean, he really thought this whole thing through - it's just miraculous! And, with Gumbel's interview, he's truly been able to place his story in the books for posterity for all those who need to know what he has accomplished, with so much more possible.

[ October 30, 2002: Message edited by: bluebird48234 ]

There's gonna be a LIVE CHAT with Esera Tuaolo coming up today (Oct. 30) at 1:30 p.m. EST - 24 minutes. It would be great if there were some supportive comments as well as questions from the Outsports folks. In general, there's a huge amount of coverage today from espn.com. Thank goodness for Slow Sports Days!!


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Thread closed, please continue posting to Esera Tuaolo on Real Sports w/Bryant Gumbel. Thanks

[ October 30, 2002: Message edited by: m1 ]