By Bill
Konigsberg
Outsports.com
I have a standard joke I use when
speaking publicly about the issue of gays in sports. I used it at the
GLAAD Media Awards, I’ve used it in numerous interviews and panel
discussions. In fact, come to think of it, it’s probably time for me
to shop for a new joke. It goes something like this.
“The issue of gays
in sports is certainly an intriguing one,” I’ll say. “One of the
things some professional athletes say they worry about is showering
with a gay man. I can understand the concern, but there’s really not
much to worry about. I’ve been in hundreds of locker rooms, as a
reporter and otherwise. And I’ve only had sex in about 20 of
them.”
This is where people
laugh. Really hard. It’s really, really funny. If you are not
laughing now it’s probably because you’re missing my hilarious
comic timing. It’s killer stuff, really.
I mention this in
response to one of the most absurd, insulting moments I’ve ever
witnessed on television, on Tuesday night (Oct. 29, 2002). It happened at
the end of the "Real Sports with Bryant Gumbel" segment on
Esera Tuaolo, in which the former NFL defensive tackle comes out of
the closet.
The segment itself
was touching. I’m a pretty mushy guy, and I admit I was tearing up
with pride, watching a beautiful man do an incredibly brave thing. I
officially love Esera Tuaolo. We see a man conquer his demons, open up
his life for total scrutiny, share with the world his family, a
husband and two children. It was powerful stuff.
After the segment,
Gumbel sat and talked with correspondent Bernard Goldberg, the yahoo
who covered the story and interviewed Tuaolo. Gumbel asks Goldberg his
thoughts about whether the NFL is a place where a player can ever be
openly gay. I will try to paraphrase Goldberg’s response. It was
something like this:
“Why no, Bryant.
It’s not a good place for a gay man. You have to understand, being a
pro football player is not like being an accountant. You don’t have
to take your clothes off and shower with teammates as an
accountant.”
Thank you, Bernard,
for that scintillating insight.
What an absurd,
reductive, silly argument. And frankly, I’m sick to death of it. In
context, it was incredibly beside the point and insulting. We’d just
heard a man speak of his thoughts of suicide, because of the
incredibly hard atmosphere of pro football for a closeted gay man.
We’d just heard Sterling Sharpe intimate that had Tuaolo come out on
a Monday when they were teammates in Green Bay, he’d never have made
it to the game on Sunday. It’s fairly clear that he means he’d
have been injured, killed, booted off the team, or something like
this.
So excuse me, Mr.
Goldberg, for not thinking that the shower issue is to the point here.
How about a comment about bravery, or the terrible atmosphere in pro
sports for a gay man?
Why do we need to
come back to this ridiculous argument, time and time again?
Goldberg questioned
Tuaolo about this issue, and Esera said basically what I’ll say,
that he was afraid in the locker room, and that he was doing his job,
hence it never occurred to the man who told not a soul about his
sexuality to come on to or ogle a teammate. Goldberg was incredulous,
saying that if there were good looking women in a locker room and he
was there, he’d look.
True, but that
ignores the fact that it is socially acceptable to look at women in a
locker room. If looking at women in a locker room meant losing your
job, or subjecting yourself to horrible ridicule or possibly violence,
I doubt he’d feel that way.
Locker
Rooms Are Scary Places
Let me point out a
few basic facts about gays in sports, as an observer, a person with
some knowledge of the issues, and a man who has spent some time in pro
sports locker rooms.
Gay men are not
propositioning straight men in pro sports locker rooms. It ain’t
happening. How many cases of gay male predatory behavior have we heard
of from these locker rooms? Hundreds? A dozen a year? A dozen ever?
How about none! Why? Because a professional sports locker room is a
petrifying place for a gay man, closeted or not. No gay man in his
right mind, or probably in his wrong mind, would think to act
aggressively in such a circumstance.
Some players, such as
former Packers safety LeRoy Butler and countless others, Giants tight
end Jeremy Shockey included, mention their concern about showering
with a gay man.
Newsflash: It’s
already happened. I venture to guess that almost every pro athlete
has, at one time or another, showered with a person who happens to be
gay. And survived to tell of it. And why? Because gay men in the world
of sports understand the precariousness of the situation. They want
nothing more than to be accepted as part of a team, and shower rape,
for instance, or excessive ogling of teammates, are not activities
that lead to acceptance, or anything positive.
Please stop
pretending that you, the straight player, are a victim here. You have
the power. Not some gay player hiding and scared for his life.
Being
Professional
Personally, I have
been in locker room situations. I have seen numerous players naked.
But honestly, I couldn’t tell you whom I’ve seen naked, because as
a professional, I’m awfully busy when in a locker room. I’m busy
doing my job, getting a story. I’m thinking of deadlines.
Professional heterosexual female journalists will doubtless tell you
the same thing.
Moreover, because
being a gay person in sports makes me a minority, and not a well-liked
one, I am self conscious. Even if I wanted to look, I’d never do it.
I’m probably the least likely person to sneak a peek, because I
don’t want to make others uncomfortable. Like the other gays in the
room I am the one with my eyes on the ceiling, staring at the floor,
averting my view any way possible as I do an interview with a naked
player.
Take this information
and multiply it by about 1,000 to get the idea of how a closeted gay
player might feel. Come on to a teammate? Good grief, that’s never
ever going to happen. And in the situation that it did, which I do not
foresee, how hard would it be for someone to say, “No thanks, I’m
not gay.” Not a difficult task. I’m happy to announce that the
time when a pro player is going to have to carry mace in the locker
room is not nearing.
I guarantee you gay
athletes would gladly take almost any alternative to spending time in
a locker room or shower, so long as they could do their jobs as
players, feel like part of a team, and avoid nasty scrutiny. Every
such player’s fear is to be singled out. Think of all the time that
person has spent getting to where they are, an elite athlete. Do you
think these people are just waiting for the right moment to act
inappropriately with a teammate? All these years of effort to get to
the top of their sport, and it’s all been a ruse to get in a
position to shower with men and get their jollies? Not likely.
So why does this
argument surface, again and again, by folks like Goldberg and others,
who will say “I’m not homophobic, but I wouldn’t want to shower
with a gay teammate?”
It surfaces because
it’s easier than the truth. The truth for many of these people is
that dealing with homosexuals in sports makes them uncomfortable.
It’s a confusing issue, and it’s one that needs to be discussed
and understood.
I’ll tell you what.
Let’s advance the topic beyond the silliness of the shower episode,
and I’ll happily tell you about the things that really concern me
about being gay in sports. I’ll tell you about my fears of never
truly fitting in, my concerns about violence, some crazy person
harming me or my family because of who I am.
I’ll even open up
to you and tell you about my own self doubt at moments, about feeling
unsure that gays will ever be accepted, and therefore the
corresponding worry that maybe I’m wrong, that as much as it feels
like this is who I am, maybe I’ve made some decision somewhere along
the way and it was the wrong one. I don’t think this all the time,
but sometimes, as I lay in bed awake at night pondering the universe,
these thoughts cross my mind. They’re difficult and not things I
like to talk about, but at least they’re more to the point when it
comes to being gay in professional sports than they idea that I may
attack you in the shower.
Related:
--Esera
Tuaolo comes out
--Players
react to Tuaolo coming out
Oct. 31, 2002 |
