How We Saw Week 9

This week, I offer some awards to those illustrious individuals who stood out the most these last nine weeks.  I've got a feeling they'll all hold onto these awards for the remainder of the season . . .

THE “FREAKING GENIUS” AWARD
Sorry, but I’m wimping out and picking a tie for my first award:  two guys who won two Super Bowls together – Bill Parcells and Bill Belichick.  After Week 1, the Patriots had just released their stud linebacker and lost to division rival Buffalo by a LOT; the Cowboys had just lost a home game to a team that hasn’t won a second game this season.  Since then, Belichick’s Patriots have suffered injury after injury – yet have suffered only one loss (by a measely field goal); Parcells’ Cowboys have scored more than a guy in chaps and a ten-gallon hat in The Gauntlet on a Saturday night.  And that’s a LOT.

THE “ARE YOU KIDDING ME?” AWARD
To the quarterbacks who made up half of the victories in Week 9:  Chris Chandler, Joey Harrington, Kyle Boller, Tim Rattay, Tony Banks, Jeff Blake, and Quincy Carter.  Who needs Mike Vick when you have Kurt Kittner?  OK, forget it.

THE “SO THAT’S WHAT COACH WAS TALKING ABOUT” AWARD
Last season, Mike Martz said of his new safety:  "We threw the ball all over the lot against the Giants. I'd like to line up against Jason Sehorn every day of the week."  In the Rams’ most surprising loss of the season (in Week 9 to the San Francisco 49ers), Jason Sehorn got his first real action of the season and Tim Rattay – TIM RATTAY!! – threw for 236 yards and three touchdowns.  Dennis Erickson must have been listening to old Mike Martz tapes.

THE “HE HATE ME” AWARD
I’m beginning to hate Warren Sapp for his insatiable flapping trap.  This guy simply does not shut up.  This time, the black players of the NFL aren’t getting respect, he’s not getting respect, and they’re all just slaves on the plantation of the football field.  Getting millions of dollars.  Ask Kunta Kinte if he’d call Sapp a slave to anything but his own ego and his own big mouth.

THE “HE DID WHAT?” AWARD
Dante Hall for body of work.  This guy gets my vote for MVP right now.  The Three Chuckleheads of the Sunday Night crew were saying how Hall isn’t a legit contender for League MVP because he doesn’t touch the ball enough.  They then called a game in which the Buffalo Bills did everything in their power to keep the ball out of Dante Hall’s hands.  Even though teams have been trying to keep the ball away from him, he’s touched the ball 69 times this season – more than any other wide receiver in the League.  Hell, he even has one tackle this season!  And it’s not just for his dazzling cuts and four touchdowns on kick and punt returns that earn him this honor.  He sets up the offense with good field position over and over.  Throw in that he’s the star (with all due respect to Priest Holmes) on the best team in the League and you’ve got yourself and winner.

THE “AGAIN WITH THE . . .” AWARD
The new favorite play this season for the guys in the booth is the quarterback block – when a quarterback gets out and blocks for a reverse or a running back.  It’s getting ridiculous.  Mike Patrick nearly made love to his microphone Sunday night when Brett Favre laid a decent block on a Viking.  Big deal – the guy made a block.  Newsflash:  there are these big guys who play in front of the quarterback on the offensive line and they lay out blocks like that all the time.

THE “NEW LEAGUE FINE” AWARD
Why does Paul Hackett love the three yard pass on 3^rd and 5?  Why does he continue to call a seven yard out on 4^th and 8?  But, more importantly, after failed stints with the Kansas City Chiefs and now the New York Jets, why in God’s good name is the rest of the League imitating him?  I saw the Packers – the Brett Favre-led PACKERS – do it in their Sunday Night game this week.  Paul Tagliabue needs to quit with his squabble with Warren Sapp and start handing out a few fines for stupid coaching – Hackett would be filing for Chapter 11 faster than Mike Tyson could chase down Flozell Adams.

THE “GOOD RIDDANCE” AWARD
Have you noticed the sudden dearth of praising Jesus, the Lord, God, and my Savior The Lord God Jesus Christ?  Hey – there is an upside to having Kurt Warner on the bench.

THE “THIS MUST BE A MISPRINT” AWARD
New York Jets 30, Buffalo 3.  It sticks out like a straight guy at a drag show.  Sure, there are some surprising end results this season:  Houston over Miami; Houston over Jacksonville; Houston over Carolina.  But, the score – the Jets beating the “high-powered Bills” by 27 – it looks like, well, a misprint.  The Bills even scored first in the game, then were held scoreless for almost 54 minutes while Vinny Testaverde threw as many touchdowns as the Bills had points.  Reminds me of last year’s winner of this award:  Houston 24, Pittsburgh 6.

THE “GREAT CHOKE” AWARD
While I’d love to be able to give this to David Carr (do you suppose that “8” on his jersey is more than just a number?), I’m proud to give present my last award to the Tampa Bay Buccaneers.  While I’d love to get to see Jon Gruden running down the freeway in just a jockstrap, no team has deserved this award this season more than the World Champion Bucs.  After a resounding 17-0 victory in Philadelphia in Week 1, the Bucs have gone 3-4 and all the nonsense talk of “undefeated season” has gone up in smoke.  They’ve lost at home to the Panthers, Colts and Saints.  Those teams have a collective one playoff victory in the last six seasons.  It’s amazing how quickly the luster of a Super Bowl victory, which you work for your entire career, fades with a bad season.

--I’m not a Tampa Bay Bucs fan. While I like coach Jon Gruden, I can’t stand the arrogant, loud-mouthed overrated bully Warren Sapp and the obnoxious Keyshawn Johnson. I now have even more reason to dislike them after they fell apart Sunday against New Orleans. I’m in one of those knockout pools, where you pick one team to win; if they win, you stay alive, lose and you’re out. I was one of three people left for an $1,100 prize and took the heavily favorite Bucs. Six turnovers and four quarters of sloppy play later and the Bucs were done and so was I. Ugh! 

--It’s time for the San Diego Chargers to bench Drew Brees in favor of Doug Flutie. Brees was a terrible 7 of 15 against Chicago before being benched. Flutie came in, went 8 of 11 and sparked the Chargers (1-7) to their only touchdown. Brees may still be the QB of the future, but the Chargers need Flutie to give them a boost. Flutie, playing the good soldier, said afterwards:  “The bottom line is Drew's the starter and I'm his backup,” Flutie said.  “It's my job as the backup to come in, try to spark the team when I can, rally the troops.” 

--Big win by the Indianapolis Colts, 23-17, at Miami. This was often the kind of game the Colts lost in the past. Peyton Manning, terrific all day, threw an interception that gave Miami the ball inside the Colts’ 20 with about two minutes left. But the new-look Colts defense stepped up and the brilliant young pass rusher Dwight Freeney forced Brian Griese to fumble and the Colts had a huge win. At 7-1, this is the Colts best start since 1977. 

--To see how weird this year is, just look at the standings. The Steelers and Raiders are each 2-6, with records worse than the 3-5 Bears and 3-5 Cardinals (each of whom has won two in a row). Tampa Bay (4-4) is only one-half game better than the 4-5 Saints. Go figure. 

--I can’t figure how the Rams can lose by 20 to a 49ers team without starting QB Jeff Garcia, and the Panthers fall to the Texans, playing without QB David Carr. Guess that’s why they play the game. 

--Big win by the Green Bay Packers at Minnesota, which has been a house of horrors in past years. The Packers rushed for 260 years, generally a prescription for a win.

--I’m still unimpressed with the 6-2 Seattle Seahawks. They have played only one team (St. Louis) that has a winning record. The Seahawks tend to let teams hang around, not a good sign for a team hoping to be a serious playoff contender. The same can be said for the 6-2 Dallas Cowboys, who also have played only one team with a winning record (Philadelphia). 

--Equally unimpressive are the Baltimore Ravens, who won Sunday despite QB Kyle Boller going 10 for 23 and only 156 yards. Linebacker Ray Lewis, though, is amazing. He had 11 tackles, an interception and a forced fumble against Jacksonville.