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An evening with
Esera Tuaolo
By
Cyd Zeigler jr.
 How
do you measure the power of a speaker? Some may measure it
by how professional and put-together someone appears when
they get up to speak in front of a crowd, their use of
dramatic pauses, their ability to elicit a tear at just the
right moment. After my experience last night, I can assure
you that's definitely not it.
Last night
I listened for the first time while Esera Tuaolo spoke
before a crowd -- at a book signing for his new book,
"Alone in the Trenches: My Life as a Gay Man in the NFL,"
at a Barnes & Noble in the Upper West Side of
Manhattan. Saying he "spoke" before the crowd doesn't really
cut it. Yes, he opened his mouth and words came out. But it
was a lot more than that. Esera shared with the 80 mostly
strangers in attendance. He laughed with them, and he sang
for them. He stumbled over his words at times, starting an
idea and not quite finishing it. And it was a breath of
fresh air. In a time of sound bites and polished speeches,
Esera's endearing quality is his ability to just talk to
people, to share with them, to stumble over his own words
without losing his message, and to be vulnerable.
That
vulnerability, in turn, opens an emotional door for the
people who have come to hear him speak. Last night, after he
made us all laugh and left us wondering more about his
stories of Christianity, children and relationships, he sat
down to sign some books. As the rest of us chatted amongst
ourselves, a woman approached him to sign a book. Esera had
shared with us details about the pain of being molested as a
child by his uncle in Hawaii, about running into the banana
patch afterward and asking God to take him away, and about
being happy when his uncle died a horrible death. When this
woman finally got her chance to talk to Esera one-on-one,
she broke down in tears. He wrapped her in his big arms as
she cried aloud, "No one knows. No one knows. Thank you so
much. Thank you so much." By simply being himself and
telling his own painful story last night, and doing it with
strength and wisdom, Esera told that woman – and all of us
in the room – that she was okay.
The image
of that hulking Samoan man embracing that petite woman with
a cane, both connecting through a deep dark secret they had
hoped to bury as a child, is an image I will long remember.
Esera also
shared with us some of the latest news of his life.
He has been
making headway with the NFL, he said. He got a call from
them recently inviting him to a meeting in New York to talk
about including gay sensitivity as a permanent component to
their rookie symposium.
His
daughter, Michelle, he says, is the next Serena Williams.
The 5-year-old, according to the proud papa, is swinging
the racquet with the strength of an 8-year-old.
His love
and respect for his "husband," Mitchell Wherley, has never
been stronger. The NFL may still not be offering the kind of
same-sex partner benefits they would both like, but Esera
and Dave Kopay are working on that.
I've known
Esera since he came out publicly in the press. I've
shared with him, danced with him, heard him sing karaoke,
and even played flag football with him. I've always
respected him a great deal, though I never really considered
why. It became apparent last night: he is always himself,
and he is damn proud of it. He is proud of his Samoan and
Hawaiian heritage. He is proud of his Christianity. He is
proud of being gay. And, like few other high-profile gay
people, he is able to embrace his unique role in the gay
fight for equality. He makes the tough phone calls to the
NFL. He mounts educated arguments against the Christians who
would use the Bible to keep gay people oppressed. He has
spoken before the Minnesota state legislature about the
importance of equal marriage rights. He knows who he is and
he won't let anyone tell him or any of us that who we are
isn't great.
If you have
a chance to attend one of his book signings or appearances
in the coming weeks (listed on the right), do yourself the
favor and go. Esera is powerful in a very unique way, and
we're all lucky that he took the leap several years ago and
became who he is today
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Photo: Esera "Superman" Tuaolo, with Outsporters
Cattledog (left) and Pat125
Upcoming book signings for
Esera Tuaolo's Alone in the Trenches: My Life as a Gay
Man in the NFL
ATLANTA,
Ga.
MAY 11, 8 p.m.
Outwrite Bookstore & Coffeehouse|991
Piedmont Ave.
Atlanta,
GA
30309
www.outwritebooks.com
CORAL
GABLES, Fla.
May 20, 4 p.m.
Books & Books
265 Aragon
Ave.
Coral
Gables,
FL
www.booksandbooks.com
NASHVILLE,
Tenn.
June 3, 1 p.m.
Outloud Books & Gifts
1709
Church St
Nashville,
TN
www.outloudonline.com
(Esera
will be signing books at the Outloud booth during the
Nashville Pride Festival)
SAN
FRANCISCO,
Calif.
June 22, 7 p.m.
A Different Light
489 Castro
St.
San Francisco,
CA 94114
www.adlbooks.com
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