In a weekend when four NFL games pretty much stunk up the joint, it was some commentary that livened up the show. First, it was Phil Simms, telling us how "Lamar Smith doesn't look like much in his underwear." It was just the latest in a season-long string of odd physique comments from Simms (he went on about the bod of an NFL referee one week). The, when Tennessee quarterback Steve McNair
pulled back from center too early, Dan Dierdorf noted that the center usually gives up
the ball when the quarterback gooses him. But, John Madden trumped them all when, in the Philly-New York snoozer, Madden said that Giant Michael Strahan told him earlier that week, "I was
looking at Glen Parker's body in the shower the other day."
BOTTOM OF THE WEEK
THE BICKERING LAKERS
Kobe Bryant and Shaquille O'Neal are young, good-looking, wildly popular and incredibly rich. They get paid a fortune to play a game and they won an NBA title together. So why can't they get along? Shaq is pissed that Kobe takes too many shots. Kobe wants to be the man and has said he'd accept a trade. The Lakers, a dynasty in the making, are in danger of falling apart. We just wish these two guys realize how lucky they are,
shut up and play basketball.
HIGHLIGHTS OF THE WEEK
CAST YOUR OWN NFL
PORNO FLICK
Outsports readers are extremely knowledgeable
about sports. They can dissect a World Series game or analyze why the Ravens beat the Titans. But they also appreciate the more ``visual'' aspects of sports.
A lively discussion occurred this week as readers on the Discussion
Board decided to cast their NFL porno movie. Some excerpts:
From Scott: ``I think these guys would at least merit an audition: Mike Alstott, Ed McCaffrey, Wayne Chrebet, Tim Dwight, Trent Green, John Allred, Ryan Wetnight, Jake Plummer, Brett Conway, Wade Richey, Jeff Wilkins, Toby Gowin, Andy Katzenmoyer, Brian Urlacher, Jason Sehorn. And of course, Mark Chmura in a bathroom scene.''
From Charlie in the Trees: ``The problem with your casting is that
Jason Sehorn would get injured before the first money shot and have to leave the movie.''
From Bill: ``I'm not even an NFL fan ... All I'd want to see is Sehorn and Ricky Williams (in the wedding dress, for starters). Even Drew Bledsoe would have to stay on the sidelines.''
From Jim: ``I'd have a QB scene and a kickers scene. For the QB's, Tim Couch and Brian Griese in some man-on man-action. You'd have the hung, hairless Couch to contrast the furball that is Griese.
For the kickers, I'd pair Mike Vanderjagt and Mike Hollis. Vanderjagt needs some lovin' after his miss in OT vs. Miami.''
Finally, Katt says to not forget the coaches: ``OK, keeping with the theme, lets get some coaches involved. Jon Gruden plays the young blond twink, broken in by Jeff Fisher. Dave Wannstadt and Bill Cowher in an all-chin extravaganza. Jim Haslett of the Saints and Mike Shanahan star in ``Tales of The City III.'' We also could have a college special. Bob Stoops and his incredibly hot young defensive assistant (Venables I think is his name) could do a short-subject.''
NBA Oh, shocker. Rick Pitino quit as the head coach of the Boston Celtics. Yawn. Well, we all saw that coming for the last two seasons. Pitino leaves the team with the worst record of any Celtics head coach to last at least two seasons, at 102-146.
Pitino's replacement as Boston head coach is 1-1, already an improvement for the team over what Pitino led them to.
WOMEN'S COLLEGE
BASKETBALL Can you imagine doing anything 80 times in a row? Even 80 sit-ups can make a lot of people fret. But, the Washington University women's basketball team has won 80 games in a row, including three Division III National Championship games. The latest was a 110-55 victory over MacMurray on Tuesday.
MEN'S COLLEGE
BASKETBALL The Big Ten isn't being kind to the Wisconsin Badgers. After running off nine straight wins and jumping into the AP Top 10, the Badgers have lost their last two games to unranked teams, Minnesota and Purdue, averaging just 58 points per game.