Can you believe what they're doing in medicine these days? First, San Antonio guard Sean Elliott came back from career-ending kidney surgery. Now, Alonzo Mourning of the NBA's Miami Heat has returned from a season-ending kidney disorder. And Robert Edwards of the NFL's New England Patriots is considering a return after a gruesome career-ending ligament injury in his legs. These are just some of the latest miracles being performed by the men and women who are our sports doctors.
BOTTOM OF THE WEEK
THE CURSED BOSTON RED SOX
The Curse of the Bambino strikes again. The Boston Red Sox have not won a World Series since trading Babe Ruth in 1918. And after Monday's news it's wait until next year. Superstar shortstop Nomar Garciaparra reportedly will undergo right wrist surgery and could miss up to four months. He hurt the wrist in 1999, played hurt last year but has finally given into the realization that surgery was the best long-term cure.
HIGHLIGHTS OF THE WEEK
``DIGITAL PENETRATION:'' THE WEIRDEST SPORTS STORY OF THE YEAR
"I felt fingers. He was pushing up my arse." Those words are not from your favorite porn video, but rather from Paul Bowman, captain of the Cowboys in the National Rugby League in Australia.
Bowman testified this week in a case that has riveted the rugby world Down Under:
West Tigers' John Hopoate's 12-week ban for, according to the Sydney Morning Herald, ``digital penetration'' of three North Queensland Cowboys players.
Hopoate received the harshest ban in four years after three hours of riveting testimony in which players said they were grabbed by ``the nuts,'' ``the stork'' (we assume this means penis) and ``the arse'' during games.
According to the Herald, Bowman said of Hopoate: ``I felt fingers. He was pushing up my arse. I was disgusted, I couldn't believe it. If he was a man, he wouldn't do it.''
Said Glenn Morrison, another Tiger player: ``It was dreadful, I had pain. It was like someone was trying to put pressure up there.''
In his defense, according to the New Zealand Herald, ``Hopoate claimed he was only giving the
players `wedgies'-touching them to put them off their game -that such antics happen all the
time, and that the police should not be involved. `You get wedgies all the time, and jabbed in the
stork. I'm a great believer that what happens on the field should stay on the field.` "
But Peter Jones, another Tiger testified, ``It was in the anal area. I think I know the difference between a wedgie and someone putting their fingers up my bum.''
In his testimony, Hopoate (described by the Sydney paper as a ``clean-living, church-going Mormon'') told the rugby panel that he grabbed Bowman ``between his arse and his nuts. ... I've reached out to try and pull his undies and shorts up his arse and make it as uncomfortable as I can.'' This was designed,
Hopoate said, to distract his opponent. Hopoate, 27, is married and has six children (remember, he is Mormon).
Since these charges came to light, others players have said such probing and prodding is a regular
occurrence in rugby. Fox Sports has spent the week poring over video of other
Hopoate antics and found five more examples, including one
involving player Wendell Sailor.
"I didn't appreciate getting sodomized,'' Sailor told the Sydney paper. ``I looked at him and
said, 'What are you doing?' ''
Hopoate's coach Terry Lamb said such incidents occur up to 10 times a game, the Sydney Morning Herald said. Lamb was disappointed with the harsh punishment.
"I haven't had a finger up the backside but I have had the family jewels grabbed, and I know what hurts the most," Lamb said.
According to former player John Fitzsimmons there's a code of conduct that governs where and when to poke, prod, punch and probe.
"It's disgusting. This is the absolute bottom of the barrel,'' he told the New Zealand Herald. ``There's an unwritten code ... At the very top of the barrel you have got the king hits, fisticuffs, I hit you, you hit me. A little bit lower down you have got kicking, lower down still you have got eye-gouging, testicle-pulling, that sort of thing. This, nobody has ever heard of it."
The media in Australia is loving this, with a file photo in the
Herald showing Hopoate pointing his middle finger. And video showing
Hopoate sticking his finger up a player's rectum during a game has been a TV staple.
A cartoon in the Sydney paper suggested the way to clean up the sport was ``rubber gloves for players.'' And while some fans want
Hopoate arrested (something seen as highly unlikely) or banned for life, at least one former player, Marc Ellis, was nonplussed.
"It wasn't a sexual act, it was lighthearted," he told the New Zealand paper.
MEN'S COLLEGE BASKETBALL As a great tournament comes to an end, many questions are now pointing to a school that wasn't even close to making the tournament: Why has Texas Tech hired Bob Knight as the head basketball coach?
Yes, the man has won his fair share of basketball games. But, that was a long time ago. Before being ousted at Indiana, he had lost five straight first round tournament games - most of them upset losses. And, let's not forget the 1/2 hour "highlight" reel of him screaming at people and choking his players. The outcome on the scoreboard remains to be seen. But, this move doesn't look like a good one to us.
XFL Yikes. Not only have the League's primetime ratings bottomed out, at an historically low 2.1, but NBC is hinting that they may bail from the league before their two-year commitment is up. Oh well - back to NFL Europe.
GOLF The two best players on their respective tours are heating up with the season.
Tiger Woods is getting hot again, just in time for the upcoming Masters. Tiger won the rain-delayed Players Championship on Monday for his second tour win in a row. Where are all the naysayers now?
And on the women's side, Annika Sorenstam is tearing up the LPGA Tour this season. In the last three weeks she has won three tournaments, shot a tour record 59 in one round, and won her first Major since 1996, the Nabisco Championship. For the 20 rounds she has shot this year, she is a total of 69 under par.
SOCCER The Hondurans must be crying tonight. For the first time in 12 years, the United States soccer team won a qualifying round match in Central America beating Honduras, 2-1 on a free kick by Clint Mathis.
In his defense, according to the New Zealand Herald, ``Hopoate claimed he was only giving the
players `wedgies'-touching them to put them off their game -that such antics happen all the
time, and that the police should not be involved. `You get wedgies all the time, and jabbed in the
stork. I'm a great believer that what happens on the field should stay on the field.` "