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While we're gay, we're not attempting to espouse a social commentary on either sexual position, but you surely get the picture.  This is our daily recap of who scored and who didn't in the world of sports.

TOPS

BOTTOMS

JULY 2001

July 31:  Dan Patrick's show on ESPN radio can tend to get just as comical as it is informative.  On Monday, he was in rare form.  After playing a Roy Jones Jr. audio clip in which Jones referred to himself in the first person, second person, third person, and third person plural, Patrick started a slew of listener phone calls each of which berated either Davey Lopes or Rickey Henderson (see yesterday's bottom) in the first, second and third person - and one clever listener even got in the third person plural.  Next will be Jones referring to himself as "they" - we're just waiting. July 31:  Did anyone watch the "Battle at Bighorn" - the made-for-ABC event that featured a match play competition between David Duvall and Karrie Webb vs. Tiger Woods and Annika Sorenstam?  The play was terrible, the course seemed badly layed out and ABC rotated commentators.  Plus, while Woods and Duvall did not play well, Webb and Sorenstam played atrociously in front of the largest television audience ever watch female golfers perform.  Until Sorenstam hit a 10-foot birdie putt to take the match to extra holes, she and Webb drove into the trees, sent putts off of the green, and missed greens from very doable lies.  We can only hope next year's event sees a different venue and the women leading the way on the course.
July 30:  Lance Armstrong did it again on Sunday, winning his third consecutive Tour de France.  Armstrong won by a commanding seven minutes ahead of German rival Jan Ullrich.  While Greg LeMond has won the Tour three times, Armstrong became the first American to win it three consecutive times. July 30:  In our opinion, this is one of the lowest lows of anyone in sports this year.  Up 12-5, San Diego Padre Ricky Henderson stole second base in the seventh inning against the Milwaukee Brewers.  Brewers manager Davey Lopes then came out of the dugout and berated Henderson, telling him that he would be hit by a pitch the next time he was at bat:  "I just told him to stay in the game, because he was going (down). We were going to drill him."  This came just a day after the Astros blew a ninth inning 8-3 lead against the Pirates.  Lopes was way off base for his tirade and we can only hope the League slaps a considerable fine on him.  Compete Lopes, don't whine.
July 29:  Down 8-3 in the bottom of the ninth, things aren't looking so hot.  But, on Saturday, it was an 8-3 lead in the ninth that the Houston Astros couldn't hold onto.  The Pittsburgh Pirates scored six runs - four off of a grand slam by Brian Giles with two out - and stole game one of the double-header, 9-8.  The Astros did rebound and win game two, but their chance to make up some ground on the Cubs was blown in that half of an inning. July 29:  Lack of talent is finally catching up to the Minnesota Twins, as they are 5-11 since the All Star Break and have fallen out of first in the AL Central.  Before the All Star Break, the Twins had posted a record of 55-33 and had the second best record in the Majors. 
July 28:  The Aussie Men's Swim Team had quite a day on Friday, breaking two world records at the FINA World Swimming Championships in Fukuoka, Japan.  Geoff Huegill set the men's 50m butterfly record with a time of 23.44 seconds while the Aussie 4X200m freestyle team set a record in that event with a time of 7:04.66. July 28: The New York Mets have waved the white flag.  11.5 games out of first with the sixth worst record in the National League, the Mets traded two of their relievers, Turk Wendell and Dennis Cook, for two minor league pitchers.  And, what's worse - they traded the players to the Philadelphia Phillies, who presently trail division-leading Atlanta by one game.  The move signals that they are giving up on their 2001 campaign and stocking up for the future.
July 27: Baseball's homerun race is heating up nicely.  On Wednesday, Arizona's Luis Gonzalez hit his 41st homer of the season.  Then, on Thursday, San Francisco's Barry Bonds responded belting Nos. 43 and 44 in an 11-3 shelling of Gonzalez's Diamondbacks.  His second homer of the ninth was his first grand slam in over three years. July 27:  The retirement merry-go-round just keeps spinning.  The latest is Vikings wide receiver Cris Carter, who now is saying "just joking."  In May, he told a banquet in Middleton, Ohio that this would be his last year in the NFL.  Now he's saying his comments were "misinterpreted."  His comment in May was, "I'm going to make the announcement that this will be my last year of playing."  Pretty hard to misinterpret, if you ask us.
July 26: Andres Galarraga, who had been languishing on the bench in Texas, took his new San Francisco Giants' Wednesday game onto his own shoulders and went 3-for-5 with two RBIs in his Giants debut to lift San Francisco to a 9-3 win over the Colorado Rockies and stop their four game skid.
July 26: For lack of a better nominee, we're going to rip Dan Pompeii today. The Sporting News' NFL "expert" calls the Buffalo Bills one of the dominant teams in the AFC this year. No, we can't count out anyone these days when the Rams and Ravens won the last two Super Bowls - except for the Bills. Who's gonna run the ball? Who's gonna play defense? Who's gonna throw the ball once Rob Johnson gets knocked out for the season? Answer: Alex Van Pelt. Better recheck your stats, Dan: the Bills aren't an "interesting" pick to win the AFC East, they're a stupid pick.
July 25: Easily one of the most tragic injuries in sports in the last two years was New England Patriots running back Robert Edwards' seemingly career-ending knee injury in the Pro Bowl's rookie beach football game in 1999.  A day after being placed on the league's Physically Unable to Perform list, Edwards took a huge step in his comeback by completing a series of sprints that took him off the list  July 25: Why would an injury-prone NFL quarterback be moving furniture just a week before training camp?  We don't understand it either, but the Tampa Bay Buccaneers' brand-spankin' new quarterback, Brad Johnson, is expected to miss the opening of training camp because he lacerated his leg above the knee while moving furniture and required 15 stitches. 
July 24:  For those that think something is "impossible," this one is for you.  Keegan Riley, 20, a paraplegic man, climbed Mount Elbert, Colorado's highest peak at 14,433-foot, in a specially built four-wheeled cycle.  Reilly, a student at Oregon State, had been paralyzed in a car accident in 1996. July 24: This should come as no surprise to anyone, but several professional athletes could be key witnesses in the sex scandal trials of the Gold Club in Atlanta.  On Monday it was Orlando Magic center Patrick Ewing's turn, telling the court that he had accepted sexual favors from the girls at the Gold Club.  Later, a former stripper named several athletes including Broncos running back Terrell Davis and 76ers center Dikembe Mutombo as prior clients.
July 23:  It took long enough, but David Duvall finally won a Major tournament, taking the 2001 British Open from a tight pack of thirtysomething golfers who all had a shot going into the final day.  He finished it up on Sunday with a fourth round 65 - one stroke off the course record - for a three shot victory. July 23: Gosh, it's late July.  The Boston Red Sox collapse is starting a little early this year.  With the Yankees struggling out of the All-Star Break, the Bo'Sox had the perfect opportunity to build a lead in the AL East.  But not them, no no no.  They are now 2-4 in the last week against Montreal, Toronto and the Chi'Sox - three sub-.500 teams.  After losing Sunday, they are now a game behind the Yankees and trail Cleveland by a game for the Wild Card. 
July 22:  Just a few days ago he was 35 minutes behind the leader.  Now he leads by five minutes.  Lance Armstrong is doing it again in the mountains, using them the way he used them in his first two Tour de France victories - to erase a deficit and build a lead.  On Saturday evening, he put on the yellow jersey for the first time this Tour.  The race ends in Paris on July 29.   July 22: WNBA All-Star and Houston Comet Tina Thompson was suspended for one game and fined $500 for throwing a punch at Orlando's Jaclyn Johnson in Wednesday's loss to Orlando.  She served her suspension Friday night, watching her team lose their second consecutive game, 64-50.  After trailing Los Angeles by just two games before Wednesday, Houston now faces an uphill battle down 3 1/2 games.  Not a good time to be serving a suspension for losing your cool.
July 21:  With Pedro Martinez certainly out of the picture, there's a nice little rivalry brewing for the Cy Young Award in the American League between former Cy Young winner Roger Clemens (13-1) and Aaron Sele (12-1).  And, to boot, their two teams, the M's and the Yanks, could be on a collision course for an AL Championship Series.  While it's a little too premature to get excited about baseball in September and October, these two are already setting up an October classic. July 21: The days of headhunting in Major League Baseball are alive and well.  Cleveland Indians pitcher Bartolo Colon was ejected in the sixth inning of Tuesday's game in Houston after his first pitch of the inning sailed behind batter Scott Servais' head and hit his bat.  Colon was retaliating for two Cleveland batters being hit in the top half of the inning.  Colon was suspended for seven days - a suspension for which Colon filed and appeal on Friday. 
July 20: Randy Johnson of the Arizona Diamondbacks struck out 16 San Diego Padres. In relief. Johnson took over from Curt Schilling who pitched two innings of a game suspended Wednesday night. ``By no means do I try to go out and strike people out,'' said Johnson. July 20: The Kansas City Wizards have as much trouble scoring as a  horny guy at a eunuchs convention. The Major Soccer League team played a thrilling (editor's note: he's being sarcastic) 0-0 tie Thursday, their eighth scoreless outing in 19 games this year.
July 19:  Welcome back, Barry.  After struggling to hit homeruns over the last four weeks, Barry Bonds belted two of them, Nos. 41 and 42, in a 10-0 win over the Colorado Rockies.  Bonds is now tied with Mickey Mantle for ninth on the all-time homer list at 536. July 19: What in hell is going on at the baseball parks of MLB?  On Wednesday, two of them had to be evacuated.  First was Camden Yards which was forced to postpone its Orioles-Rangers game because of a nearby train derailment.  Then Qualcomm Stadium in San Diego had to suspend its Padres-Diamondbacks game in the third inning because of explosions in the light fixtures over left field.  Both games will be made up as double-headers on Thursday.
July 18: Colombia scored a 2-0 victory over Chile on Tuesday and completed the sweep of the first half of its first-round games in the Copa America soccer tournament. And, they did it with three shut-outs, posting a combined score over their three games of 5-0.  Colombia is the only team of the 12 in the tournament without a loss or tie. July 18:  Not even a month after the Atlanta Braves sent John Rocker to the Cleveland Indians, the Braves are tied for first place in the division and Rocker has already been demoted.  After going 2-4 blowing half of his save opportunities and posting an ERA of 8.31, Rocker has been replaced as the Indians' closer.  Rocker also yelled profanity at a fan after a dreadful loss Monday night.
July 17: A day after Tampa Bay Devil Ray Fred McGriff rejected a trade from his last-place club to the first-place Chicago Cubs, McGriff hit his third homer in two days at Turner Field.  He dropped his latest in the ninth inning of a 6-5 victory over the Atlanta Braves.

July 17: Sometimes it's better to be lucky, and right now the Chicago Cubs are thanking the heavens that they play in the NL Central.  While putting up a miserable 8-16 record since June 18, they Cubs have managed to maintain a two game lead over the Houston Astros (who are 9-15 over that period) and have watched the St. Louis Cardinals creep to within seven games with a 15-9 record in that period.  Plus, the Cubs got a slap in the face on Sunday as Fred McGriff rejected a trade that would have sent him from the basement of Tampa Bay to the penthouse of the NL Central. 

July 16: It was all about timing for Peter Thliveros.  The native of Jacksonville, Fla. won his second consecutive gold medal in ESPN's Great Outdoor Games Bass Fishing Tournament with a five bass limit totaling 12 pounds, 5 ounces.  Thliveros had been having trouble landing the bass in the grassbeds the whole tournament.  On Sunday that changed.  "I'm just lucky I was there when they got hungry," he said. July 16: A year ago, he was Jim and Cyd's surprise selection in the 17th and final round of their fantasy football draft.  Late Saturday, Paul Edinger, the starting kicker for the Chicago Bears, was arrested for driving under the influence and leaving the scene of an accident in Punta Gorda, Fla.  Edinger, better known to the Outsports founders as "the little fella," knocked in three field goals in Game 1 last season - and was quickly cut in Week 4 after three dismal showings last season.
July 15:  The United States women's lacrosse team won its fourth consecutive World Cup on Saturday, taking the title game 14-8 over Australia.  Virginia alum and team captain Cherie Greer was named the MVP of the tournament.   July 15: Did you have any clue that the WNBA All-Star game is on Monday, July 16?  How can a League that only lasts for two months even have an All-Star game?  And the starters don't feature anyone from the Eastern Conference first place Cleveland Rockers or the Western Conference first place Los Angeles Sparks.  AND, the ten starters voted in were from a total of four teams.  More signs that the WNBA, in its fifth season, still has plenty of work to do.
July 14:  Two Americans continued to showcase the best track and field sprinting team in the world at the Bislett Games in Norway on Friday.  Tim Montgomery ran the third fastest time ever in the 100 meters, clocked at 9.84 seconds, just .05 seconds off the world record, in winning that event.  Marion Jones extended her win streak in the 100 to 51 races, taking her race in 10.94 seconds.  July 14:  Michael Jordan.  Back practicing with the Wizards just weeks after breaking his ribs and claiming that his potential comeback is on hold.  Is this guy a drama queen or what?
July 13:  Jacque Jones, Corey Koskie and Torii Hunter each hit two homers for the Minnesota Twins Thursday night, tying a Major League record for the number of players on a team with double homers in a game in their 13-5 romp over the Milwaukee Brewers.  Doug Mientkewicz also homered for the Twins, but they were still one shy of the single game team home run record of eight. July 13:  Steffi Graf and Andre Agassi should be ashamed of themselves.  On Thursday they announced that Graf is pregnant with their child.  Agassi, 31, and Graf, 32, have both won all four Grand Slam events in tennis - two of just a handful of players to ever do that.  Can you imagine the expectations on this poor child?  We hear he, or she, has already been seeded #1 at Wimbledon in 2021.
July 12:  The best three weeks of sports are about to get better.  The NCAA is about to announce a new scheme to improve the NCAA basketball tournament in March.  The new bracketology calls for certain locations potentially hosting games from two regions at the same time to keep the highly seeded teams closer to home. July 12: The Bowl Coalition Series (BCS), which determines who plays in the college football National Championship Game, will be announcing changing to its selection process also on Thursday.  However, instead of pro-active changes that will dramatically improve the selection process, the BCS will tinker with what already doesn't work - a reaction to Florida State making it to the Orange Bowl last year instead of Miami, to whom they lost earlier in the season.  What the BCS needs is to completely reshape their process - not bring reactionary changes.
July 11:  After all of the talk that he didn't belong as a starter in the All-Star Game, Cal Ripken saved his best for last.  Ripken was named the game's MVP after belting a home run that gave the AL the lead for good in this, his last All-Star Game before retirement.  Many believed that Ripken, whose numbers this year are sub-par, did not deserve the starting spot on the roster. July 11: Just hours after finally winning Wimbledon and capturing the hearts of many, Goran Ivanisevic opened his mouth and out came homophobic slurs.  He used the word "faggot" several times in referring to a line judge who Ivanisevic says got a call wrong, and to refer to himself when he didn't play well.  So, according to the new Wimbledon champ, faggot's don't play tennis well and don't have good eyesight.  Tell that to Martina.
July 10:  It just goes to show - you can't keep a great player down forever.  Ranked No. 125 in the world, Goran Ivanisevic won Wimbledon on Monday, becoming only the second unseeded male player to win the tournament.  He upset Patrick Rafter, 6-3, 3-6, 6-3, 2-6, 9-7. July 10:  Quick - when was the last time Barry Bonds hit a home run?  Try June 23.  That was 15 games ago.  After averaging a homer every three games until then, Bonds has gone cold--and the rumblings that he simply isn't a clutch player are boiling up again.  As well they should.  Injuries or distractions or not, his team needs him and he's not performing.  
July 9: Venus Williams has had an off 2001 thus far, but she looked in good form on Sunday in winning Wimbledon for the second straight year. Williams beat Justine Henin and afterwards did not try and leap over the net. `I couldn't leap because it was raining a little bit, and I didn't want to fall,'' Williams joked.  July 9: As we hit baseball's All-Star break things don't look good for five of the eight playoff teams from a year ago. Only the Yankees, Mariners and Braves are having playoff-like years. The other five postseason teams from 2000 are faring from so-so to bad: Giants (5 1/2 out); Cardinals (8); Mets 12 1/2); White Sox (13) and Oakland (19).
July 8: We haven't been able to watch too much Wimbledon, so we were pleasantly surprised at the commentary of John McEnroe on NBC. Mac was opinionated, direct and funny, everything you want a color man to be. He was especially good in criticizing the passive British fans as their countryman Tin Henman was struggling and could have used their support. Jolly good show. July 8: The Boston Red Sox, who resemble a M*A*S*H unit more than a baseball team. got some more bad news when Pedro Martinez--maybe the best pitcher in the game--said he won't be back until August. 

`The reality is that I will need 30 full days of rest instead of 15,'' Martinez told the Dominican newspaper Ultima Hora. ``I prefer to wait a bit more and return with my arm in good shape.''  The only question is can the Sox hang in there that long?
July 7: Will the Seattle Mariners be stopped? On Friday, the M's rolled into Los Angeles to face a Dodger team that had won nine of its last 10 games. No problem as the Mariners romped, 13-0. Two days prior to the All-Star break Seattle is 39 games over .500 and might clinch its division by Labor Day. July 7: Andre Agassi took losing his Wimbledon semifinal a bit too hard. Upset with calls in his five-set defeat to Patrick Rafter, Agassi lost it after the final point. As the AP reported, ``walking toward the net, Agassi pulled a ball from his pocket and belted it at the lineswoman who had infuriated him in the next-to-last game. She dodged out of the way and the ball slammed against the backstop.'' What pissed off Agassi was the lineswoman walking over to report him for using obscenity late in the match. ``That's quite upsetting and a little classless for Centre Court, to go running up there,'' Agassi said. ``I got upset at a shot I missed, and I didn't think anybody could hear it. But apparently the lady sitting closest to me can.'' He will be fined $2,000 for using the obscenity.
July 6: Justine Henin of Belgium ended Jennifer Capriati's drive toward a tennis grand slam with a victory in the Wimbledon's semifinals. Henin, 19, will face defending champion Venus Williams in Saturday's finals. July 6: Could it be the end of the line for Cardinal slugger Mark McGwire? It could be, after he told the St. Louis Post-Dispatch that he doesn't expect to be back at full strength from a knee injury for at least a year. 

When asked if that could lead to his retirement and the end of the season, McGwire, mired in an 0-29 slump, said: ``Good question. You talk to people about it and they say, 'You're not done. You're not done.' ... I think I'm still realistic. You have to look yourself in the mirror. There will be a day when you have to say, 'I don't have it anymore.'''  We always will admire McGwire for the classy way he handled the pressure when he broke the single-season home run mark in 1998.
July 5: Goran Ivanisevic says he has three personalities-- "Crazy Goran, Good Goran and Emergency Goran." Tennis' Sybill will take all three into Wimbledon's men's semifinals after beating Marat Safin. Ivanisevic became the first wild card to reach the semifinals. As has become his custom, Ivanisevic ripped off his shirt after the win. July 5: A small raspberry to Yankees manager Joe Torre, who will skipper the American League in the All-Star game. Torre picked seven Yankees to fill out the All-Star roster, one-fourth of the total team. It is one more player than the Seattle Mariners have and they've won 12 more games than New York. It's also six more players than Boston has, and they trail the Yanks by only a half-game. One can make a case for most of Torre's picks, but seven is too many.
July 4: Hats off to Jennifer Capriati for her stirring three-set comeback over Serena Williams in the Wimbledon quarterfinals. She's now two wins away from going 3-0 in Grand Slam events this year. July 4: Over the winter the Los Angeles Dodgers signed pitcher Darren Dreifort to a $55 million contract. Their investment and his season went up in smoke after it was announced Dreifort will undergo surgery to repair a torn ligament in his pitching elbow and miss at least a year. 
July 3: Roger Federer, a 19-year-old Swiss, pulled one of the great tennis shockers when he defeated seven-time Wimbledon champion Pete Sampras in five sets. It was Sampras' earliest exit from Wimbledon in 10 years and ended a streak of 31 matches on the grass courts. ``You know something so great isn't going to last forever,'' Sampras said. ``Today I just came up a little bit short.''  July 3: The Cincinnati Reds lost again at home on Monday. This is becoming routine for the Reds, who are an astounding 10-29 at their home park. Maybe they perform better when they're not surrounded by their loved ones.
July 2: Mike Hampton of the Colorado Rockies hit his sixth home run of the season on Sunday. Nothing unusual except Hampton is a pitcher, and he hadn't hit a home run before in his career. Hampton's six are the most by any pitcher since 1971. July 2: They're still talking about Pete Sampras' failed attempt at humor Saturday during his Wimbledon match. Sampras slipped as he was trying to return a serve and the ball ran up his shorts and lodged between his legs. The player then asked the school-aged ball boy to retrieve it, and the obviously uncomfortable boy shook his head no. "Well, I said it was all his," Sampras said after, smiling. "He can pick up the ball if he
wants. He declined. I guess he didn't want to go up my shorts." Sampras said he was only joking, but it was in totally bad form. Especially when one considers that Sampras' ex-coach had been jailed for molesting adolescent boys.
July 1: Indianapolis Colts quarterback Peyton Manning is a breath of fresh air in a sports world grown stale by the frequent rude behavior of above-it-all jocks. Manning was recently at a summer football camp in Denver and wowed the kids by staying all day and taking an active interest. Said Chad Meyer, 17, Northglenn (Colo.) High School's starting quarterback to the Denver Post: "We thought we were going to have a pro come in as a guest speaker, talk for about 15 minutes and then leave in a big Mercedes. It was cool that he hung out with us." July 1: With the Major League Baseball season basically half over, 12 teams are at least 10 games out of first place, icluding such preseason favorites as the Mets (12 back), Reds (14), A's (20) ... and, finally, Texas, 27 games behind. Gee, if he Rangers didn't have A-Rod they'd probably be 28 back.