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Breaking news -- English spoken in England

What a shock -- people in London actually speak English! Why, you could knock Miami Dolphina linebacker Channing Crowder over with a feather. This MENSA member told this to the Palm Beach Post:

Maybe he was joking, but gregarious Dolphins linebacker Channing Crowder confessed today he didn’t know until Tuesday that people spoke English in London.

Crowder, a former Florida Gator and Atlanta native, apparently isn’t sure where the plane is headed when it takes off this afternoon for Sunday’s game against the New York Giants in Wembley Stadium.

“I couldn’t find London on a map if they didn’t have the names of the countries,” Crowder said. “I swear to God. I don’t know what nothing is. I know Italy looks like a boot. I learned that.

“I know (Washington Redskins linebacker) London Fletcher. We did a football camp together. So I know him. That’s the closest thing I know to London. He’s black, so I’m sure he’s not from London. I’m sure that’s a coincidental name.”

The paper conducted a poll and asked whether Crowder was joking about not knowing if Londoners speak English: 80% said no and count me among them.

Crowder is a linebacker who played for the University of Florida; no word on whether he actually attended any classes. But his bio on the Dolphins site does tell us this: "While at the University of Florida, he wrestled alligators and wild boars." Beats learning anything useful! --Jim Buzinski