clock menu more-arrow no yes mobile

Filed under:

NFL scouts write hot gay personals

sabby21.jpgThe NFL Draft is this weekend and I need an ice-cold shower after reading the profiles of the draftees on The analysis of their bodies had me thinking I had stumbled instead onto Craigslist M4M postings.

A Craigslist post would have someone describing their “sexy and defined body with a bubble tight butt.” Leave out “sexy” and the profiles aren’t much different (but certainly more accurate than most personals descriptions). Take this 2007 look at Sabby Piscitelli (photo), a safety from Oregon State drafted by Tampa Bay:

Has a defined, angular frame with the growth potential to add more bulk without any decrease in his impressive quickness ... Possesses a V-shaped torso with a well-defined upper body, good bubble, developed calves and good chest thickness.

Pretty hot. All that is needed is a Santonio Holmes nude shower shot and you have your typical Manhunt or Big Muscle posting. Here are some my favorite descriptions of this year’s draft class:

Vernon Gholston, DE
Has a well-built frame with a wide back, broad shoulders, V-shaped torso, large hands, long limbs, defined muscles throughout and thick thighs and calves.

Carlton Powell, DT
Possesses solid muscle tone in his lower body, with wide hips, broad shoulders and good muscle tone in his arms.

Brian Bonner, S
Has a muscular frame with good development in his arms shoulders and chest, along with thick thighs and calves, a tight waist and abdomen and good bubble.

Tyrell Johnson, FS
Has a muscular, cut up upper and lower body physique with good arm length, large hands, lean waist, muscular legs and room on his frame to add more bulk.

Josh Barrett, S
Has a tall frame with decent overall muscle definition and long arms, but appears a bit lean in the lower body.

Colt Brennan, QB
Has a tall, lanky frame, with good upper-body structure, tapered thighs and room to carry additional bulk.

Darren McFadden, RB
Has a solid, thick build with tapered thighs and calves, athletic physique with a tight waist and hips, low body fat and defined upper body.

Jonathan Goff, LB
Has a wide chest, broad shoulders, flat back, tight abdomen, large hands and very good arm length.

Matt Ryan, QB
Has a tall frame with good muscle tone and, while a bit lean, he has the frame to carry at least another 10 pounds of bulk.

Chad Henne, QB
Has a thick lower-body frame, with good muscle tone in his thighs and calves.

Chauncey Washington, RB
Has a solid frame with good upper body muscle tone, wide waist and hips and thick thighs and calves

Anthony Morelli, QB
Has a tall frame with good muscle tone, especially in the upper body. … Needs to develop calf and thigh muscles.

Jabari Arthur, WR
Has good upper body muscle development and mass, with room to add more bulk, especially in the trapezoid and neck area.

Matt Forte, RB
Has a well-built frame with thick thighs and calves, V-shaped upper torso with muscular arms, tight abdomen and broad shoulders.

Jared Armstrong, P
Has a thick frame with good upper body muscle tone, thick lower body with wide thighs and solidly built calves and big hands.

Tom Zbikowski, S
Has a lean but muscular frame with good shoulder width, thick chest, tight midsection, muscular arms and thick thighs and calves.

Craig Steltz, S
Has a well-built frame with good muscle tone, a thick back and chest and tapered thighs and calves.

--Jim Buzinski