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Note to Michael Phelps: Stay off TV

Please, Michael Phelps, for the love of God and all things decent, please, oh please, never ever accept another role on television. For the future of television, please, just say, "No thank you." Michael Phelps last night became one of the goofiest hosts of Saturday Night Live ever. And most uncomfortable. And unfunniest. I didn't think it was possible for him to underperform my expectations, but he made his performance in the Rosetta Stone commercials look Emmy-worthy.

Every time he was on screen, he was looking blankly offscreen, seemingly reading the script on a screen. When he did read his lines (and he did read them; no memorization needed), he stumbled over them. Even when he played himself on "The Charles Barkley Show," he was embarrassingly uncomfortable. For that matter, most of the show was unwatchable, save for a funny political sketch (that Phelps wasn't in).

Peyton Manning, Tom Brady, Michael Jordan, LeBron James: None were great, but they all had funny moments. But Phelps performance: I have to wonder if he won't lose the interest of companies looking for a spokesperson, he was that bad.