Former UConn defensive tackle Robert Lunn (No. 65) is now playing pro football in Portchach, Austria. He’s obviously got a sense of humor, with a blog called Thoughts From a Fat White Guy. He recently shared his European experiences with Deadspin and had this to say about a Greek bathhouse his teammates took him to:
Our teammates think it funny (and I’d have to agree) to toss the prude Americans into uncomfortable situations. Well “spa day” would be no exception. To be fair, it’s not really a nudist colony-“Greek Bath.” Whatever, there was enough man meat there to make Andy Dick (Mike Piazza?) blush. When we heard spa, we thought pools, steam rooms, massage. I couldn’t have been more right, and more wrong. Sure there were steam rooms, little huts that looked like the “pods” from Star Wars. But it was very different from the YMCA back home.
Our teammates think it funny (and I’d have to agree) to toss the prude Americans into uncomfortable situations. Well “spa day” would be no exception. To be fair, it’s not really a nudist colony-“Greek Bath.” Whatever, there was enough man meat there to make Andy Dick (Mike Piazza?) blush. When we heard spa, we thought pools, steam rooms, massage. I couldn’t have been more right, and more wrong. Sure there were steam rooms, little huts that looked like the “pods” from Star Wars. But it was very different from the YMCA back home.
At one point I was chased down by the staff, screaming “You must remove yow trow-zes.” Imagine some slight European chasing three large American football players, imploring them to drop their drawers. The further we walked into this place, the more it was like descending deeper and deeper into Sodom and Gomorrah. Don’t let delusions of beautiful naked European women dance in your head. At one point I blindly turned a corner and was met with a face full of awful-two 50-somethings completely naked, sweat pouring over their 250lb strechmark-laden bodies. The Jaws-of-Life couldn’t pry that image from my brain.
I went to a “real” bathhouse in Hot Springs, Ark., in December. I’ll agree with Lunn: For us prudish Americans, it is a unique experience. But I also really enjoyed it: Mineral bath, steam room, massage, hot cloths. Yeah, guys are naked walking around, but that can’t be any different from what Lunn saw in his college locker room or sees in his Austrian locker room.
Hat tip to Deadspin.
