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If the NFL were run like the Oscars...

The Academy Awards are decided by a bunch of voters, some of whom never saw the movies they vote for or against. I'll stick to the Super Bowl, thanks.

Peyton Manning would have six of these if it were up to the Oscars.
Peyton Manning would have six of these if it were up to the Oscars.
Jed Jacobsohn/Getty Images

Every year Los Angeles stands still for the night of the Oscars, when we get to find out what a handful of voters in the entertainment business thought about the last year in said entertainment business.

Each year I seem to have less and less interest in the event. The voters' increasing penchant for including crappy movies on their list of finalists, handing out "body of work" awards just because somebody's old, and the overall self-congratulatory nature of the entire event have all simply crushed my once-obsessed love of the Oscars.

If the NFL were handled like the Academy Awards...

  • The New England Patriots would have been 19-0.
  • Ryan Tannehill would have been a finalist for this season's League MVP Award.
  • The Super Bowl halftime show would feature a Gay Men's Chorus and the Rockettes.
  • Dan Marino would have been handed the Lombardi Trophy his final season.
  • People would complain that the Super Bowl goes longer than three hours.
  • Peyton Manning would have won six Super Bowls.
  • Gay players would stay closeted for fear of executives not giving them jobs.
Well I guess there is that one similarity.

It's why I will love sports more than awards shows: Victory is always in the hands of the competitors in sports. The award shows? At least Neil Patrick Harris is hosting.