Zaya Wade poses with Clark the Cub after throwing her first pitch at Wrigley Field. | Twitter: @cubs

Welcome back to Talkin’ Gaysball where the phrase “taking my talents to South Beach” is usually followed by the Grindr noise.

If you’ve read this column anytime over the past few months, it doesn’t take a “Knives Out” level of detective work to suss out that the Cubs are my favorite team.

Likewise, you don’t have to be Jessica Fletcher to deduce that I’m profoundly disgusted by the front office’s current “Actually, soullessness is a competitive advantage” mantra.

Recordwise, the past three seasons haven’t been the worst Cubs stretch of my lifetime. Far from it. But in terms of emotional disconnect and joylessness, this era has been a draining and depressing slog.

So when the Cubs actually do something to make me proud, it feels like an oasis in a desert of indifference. Which is why I literally shouted with joy last Friday when I logged on to Instagram and discovered that the Cubs invited Zaya Wade to throw out a first pitch.

Related

Like all teams hoping to attract a Gen Z crowd, the Cubs love to spotlight influencers on their social media accounts and make them part of pregame festivities. 

Since I’m an Old, that usually means having to endure an endless amount of Insta stories featuring a rando twentysomething gushing over nachos in a batting helmet like they were personally prepared by Chappell Roan.

Hey, if the alternative was watching Dansby Swanson try to hit, I’d pick the nacho helmet too.

But seeing Zaya pop up on Cubs Instagram was like taking a shot of joy.

I’ve previously mentioned how important it is for MLB teams to spotlight the LGBTQ community outside of Pride Month. Any time teams show that we matter to them outside of June, it reinforces the message that our community is welcome at the ballpark every game of the year.

The Cubs spotlighting one of the most popular transgender influencers in the country as the calendar turned to August was another way to tell our community that they wanted to stay connected even after the parade was over.

In a season where I’m struggling with my emotional attachment to the team on so many levels, this definitely helped.

Seeing Zaya in a Cubs uniform was also a reminder that in addition to being an exemplary supportive parent and an Olympic analyst making pronouns part of the national conversation, her father Dwyane Wade is also a massive Cub fan.

So much so that thanks to a bet he made when the Cubs won the World Series over Cleveland in 2016, Wade got LeBron James to show up to his first game in Chicago dressed in a full Cubs uniform.

I liked this season of The Decision much better.

Anything that inspires memories of that World Series makes me smile from my soul. Considering how the current Cubs have spent the past three seasons making me question if my soul had gone missing, Zaya Wade’s first pitch couldn’t have come at a better time.

Mad Dog Bites

Whenever he was introduced to new people over the last few decades of his life, Billy Bean almost certainly had to learn a gracious way of saying, “No, I’m not the ‘Moneyball’ Billy Beane…”

Such is life when your baseball name doppelganger was played by Brad Pitt.

Even in death, Bean couldn’t fully escape the confusion. Here is how sports radio host Christopher “Mad Dog” Russo announced the news of his passing on Wednesday’s episode of “Mad Dog Unleashed…”

“The word we’re getting right now is that the general manager of the A’s, Billy Beane, may have passed away. Wow. Was he ill? I wasn’t aware of this. I mean, he’s not that old. Geez. Was it sudden? We’ll see if we can get some information. Wow. That is a terrible story. Billy Beane of the A’s.”

Russo eventually corrected himself on air and to be fair, it can be difficult reporting something like this in real time. Especially if you’re not as familiar with baseball as you are with other sports.

Oh hey, what channel gives Russo an hour of airtime five days a week?

MLB Network.

As the other Billy Beane could’ve told anyone, that contract was worthless the day they signed it.

MLB Thirst Trap of the Week

With four home runs in his first three games after being acquired by the Yankees, Jazz Chisholm instantly gave the New York lineup some zazz.

Judging by this photo he took on the streets NYC, anytime the Bronx Bombers need a spark, all they need to do is gaze into Chisholm’s 80-grade Blue Steel…

In retrospect, it’s a shame John Sterling retired in April. Because there’s nothing on Earth I want to hear more than a home run call where he bellows, “The Yanks are queer for all that Jazz!”