So tonight is the Showcase of the 2009 Yankees, whoops, I mean, the 2008 State Farm Home Run Derby. Eight of the biggest, meanest batters you’ll see will try to smash white balls as far as humanly possible. (Hey, mind out of the gutter you!) Representing the American League we have Josh Hamilton, Evan Longoria, Grady Sizemore (*swoon*), and the recently added Justin Morneau. Morneau is replacing Alex Rodriguez who is getting himself tested for every STD known to mankind after finding a copy of his alleged (lol) girlfriend Madonna’s book Sex. Representing the Senior Circuit are Chase Utley, Ryan Braun, Lance Berkman, and Dan Uggla.


Did you know Uggla is Swedish for owl? I’m serious. Look it up. When someone in marketing in Miami figures out they’ve got a goldmine on their hands, you can expect to see scary teal-colored owl masks show up in their half-empty stadium.


Personally, I’d expect the finals to be Hamilton and Utley as they both seem to be locked in right now. Though this thing has a history for being completely unpredictable. It was a scant 3 years ago that Bobby Abreu obliterated everything in his path (including his own career) to win. So who knows. But if nothing else, seeing 8 big hulking, sweaty men flexing for 2 hours is good enough to get me to watch. -Kelvin Cabrera

So tonight is the Showcase of the 2009 Yankees, whoops, I mean, the 2008 State Farm Home Run Derby. Eight of the biggest, meanest batters you’ll see will try to smash white balls as far as humanly possible. (Hey, mind out of the gutter you!) Representing the American League we have Josh Hamilton, Evan Longoria, Grady Sizemore (*swoon*), and the recently added Justin Morneau. Morneau is replacing Alex Rodriguez who is getting himself tested for every STD known to mankind after finding a copy of his alleged (lol) girlfriend Madonna’s book Sex. Representing the Senior Circuit are Chase Utley, Ryan Braun, Lance Berkman, and Dan Uggla.

Did you know Uggla is Swedish for owl? I’m serious. Look it up. When someone in marketing in Miami figures out they’ve got a goldmine on their hands, you can expect to see scary teal-colored owl masks show up in their half-empty stadium.

Personally, I’d expect the finals to be Hamilton and Utley as they both seem to be locked in right now. Though this thing has a history for being completely unpredictable. It was a scant 3 years ago that Bobby Abreu obliterated everything in his path (including his own career) to win. So who knows. But if nothing else, seeing 8 big hulking, sweaty men flexing for 2 hours is good enough to get me to watch. -Kelvin Cabrera

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