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The Miami Heat are...Burlesque

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Burlesque is the Miami Heat of 2010-11: Three stars brought together to bring home a championship for a very specific audience, but ultimately disappointing despite moments of individual brilliance that remind you of past glories.

Cher / Dwyane Wade
The one with the ring/oscar. The proven commodity that makes this a must buy ticket for loyal fans. Great when she's onscreen, but missing for large patches of the movie/season due to script/injury. And surprisingly awkward chemistry with the new star that the movie team is built around.

Christina Aguilera / LeBron James
The superstar. Unnecessarily burdened with an origin story from the heartland that rings false the whole time. Every time they open their mouth during the preseason/1st 30 minutes of the film, they make things much much worse and you wish they would just show their supernatural talent for playing/singing and not force a character on us, that we don't believe. And when they do play/sing they are brilliant, when the spotlight is on them. But when they are in the half-court/acting scenes they play down to the level of their supporting cast.

Stanley Tucci / Chris Bosh
Knows his third-star role. Plays it better than you expect, and produces by far the most winning moments, but not enough to meet expectations.

Alan Cummings / Udonis Haslem
Teased as a child about their name. A role player /character actor who looks great on paper for this movie/team but ultimately can never shine and is sorta redundant as long as Tucci/Bosh are in the way playing the role with more range.

Jonathan Antin / Erik Spoelstra
Out of his depth, and immediately has the crowd calling for the obvious choice Baz Luhrmann / Pat Riley who would get a championship/ amazing movie with this talent.

Cam Gigandet / Eric Dane
James Jones / Eddie House

Both playing the same role; and looking sorta alike doing it. One you know the name from him being a good role player somewhere else; one you don't. Either way when you watch them, they are getting way too many minutes in this film/season.

Kristen Bell / Mike Miller
Somewhere on paper was supposed to be a critical complimentary piece... But not here, if they are on or off the court/screen. Meh.

Gordon Bellamy is a sports fan and member of the Los Angeles gay Flag Football League. He has even worked on Madden Football video games.