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God abandons Daniel Murphy's bat, buries New York Mets in World Series Game 2

Daniel Murphy was 0-for-2 at the plate (with a walk) in the Mets' embarrassing loss to the Royals. "God, why hath thou forsaken Daniel Murphy?!"

"God... YOU'RE KILLIN' ME HERE!"
"God... YOU'RE KILLIN' ME HERE!"
Christian Petersen/Getty Images

Daniel Murphy must have done something to royally piss of God, Jesus and the Holy Spirit. On Tuesday night, the Holy Trinity crushed the spirits of Murphy and his New York Mets teammates by having them blow a ninth-inning lead then losing in 14th inning after Murphy hit a pop fly to end the Mets' chances of scoring in the final extra inning.

They followed that up on Wednesday night in Game 2 by embarrassing the Mets, 7-1, at the hands of the Royals.

What anyone like Murphy and the Westboro Baptist Church must be wondering is why God would abandon him at this point. I offer two theories.

First is that while Murphy is a devout Christian and publicly credits God and Jesus Christ with all of his success, he still does play for the New York Mets, representing all of those gays and lesbians and drug users and adulterers and tax collectors and all the other crazies in Manhattan and Brooklyn. Surely God doesn't want to reward these sinners with a World Series title! (Leviticus 18:22, Leviticus 20:13, Matthew 19:9, Exodus 20:14, Matthew 5:27, Proverbs 6:32, Romans 13:1-7, Titus 3:1 [yes, there's a New Testament book that sounds like "tight ass"]).

My second theory is surely more probable. While the Mets are down, 2-0, after Alex Rodriguez said in Tuesday's 13th inning that they were in "great shape," all God has to do is have the Amazins win four of the next five games. Given the incredible hole they find themselves in, God and Jesus might be setting Murphy up to be a hero among heroes, a Christian crusader with few equals who will lead his team to the most improbable VICTORY!

Of course, there's the whole thing about the Royals having the only publicly out gay male executive in Major League Baseball that, if God doesn't have the Mets win, should leave Murphy, the Westboro Baptist Church and a lot of other people scratching their heads about God's true intentions.