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Dallas Cowboys owner Jerry Jones fails again to get any ‘glory hole’

With the Cowboys losing again in the NFL playoffs, owner Jerry Jones fails to attain his definition of success.

Dallas Cowboys v Los Angeles Chargers
Jerry Jones and the Dallas Cowboys are once again frustrated.
Photo by Kevork Djansezian/Getty Images

Now that the Dallas Cowboys’ season ended ingloriously in a 48-32 home drubbing at the hands of the seventh-seeded Green Bay Packers, Cowboys owner Jerry Jones won’t get what he wants most in life — some “glory hole.”

Jones is the 81-year-old owner of the Cowboys, a team that has now gone 28 years failing to not only win the Super Bowl but even reaching the NFC title game. He said he was “floored” by Sunday’s loss to a Packers team that barely made the playoff and a coaching change is possible.

But I’m more interested in Jones’ continued use of “glory hole” to describe what NFL success means.

“The rough times that you have with sports, everybody has it, you can’t really play unless you have some hard times. It is the absolute glory hole to have that elusive win to be the champion.” That was Jones in November talking about the Texas Rangers (who played in the Dallas Metroplex) winning their first World Series.

“And I went back to work Monday morning and there it was, glory hole.” That was Jones in August 2022 talking to former Cowboys receiver Michael Irvin.

It all started in 2012 when Jones said “I want me some glory hole” in discussing his quest for a Super Bowl title. As I wrote back in 2017, “Somebody needs to get Jerry a link to Urban Dictionary.”

I have no idea if Jones is so out of touch that he is clueless about what a “glory hole” is, but he does seem to have a thing for locker room talk. “My entire office and my entire business will be at the [Cowboys] complex,” he said in 2019. I want to know everything there is to know, from player contracts to socks and jocks and television contracts.” The idea of an 81-year-old NFL owner picking out players’ jocks is an image I am sorry for introducing into anyone’s mind.

Now that another promising Cowboys season has ended in embarrassing fashion, Jones’ dreams of “glory hole” has turned once again to a case of “blue balls.”