US gymnast Sam Mikulak demonstrates techniques that might come in handy in the Olympic Village dorms. | Rick Wood, Milwaukee Journal Sentinel, USA TODAY NETWORK via Imagn Content Services, LLC

It’s an open secret that when it comes to sex during the Summer Olympic Games, the athletes village resembles a Sam Smith/Kim Petras video guest starring Caligula.

So much so that when the Tokyo Olympic Games introduced new environmentally friendly beds to athlete dorms that were composed of lightweight cardboard frames, it didn’t take long for some to speculate about an ulterior motive behind them.

U.S. track and field runner Paul Chemilo summed up the rumors when he tweeted that certain Olympians believed the new beds were “aimed at avoiding intimacy among athletes.”

As the thinking went, if these cardboard beds were used in a Pornhub video, they would be only suitable for delivering the pizza.

Now comes word that 16 thousand “anti-sex beds” have been installed in the Olympic Village for the Paris 2024 Games.

That’s right…Paris. A city synonymous with prudishness and abstinence.

Despite the fact that these so-called anti-sex beds threaten to turn the Olympic Village into a 1950s sitcom, they’re probably not going to curtail after-hours cardio exercises. If there’s one characteristic that defines Olympic athletes, it’s that they can adapt their game in any condition.

For instance, if anyone fears that the cardboard bed frames won’t be sturdy enough to support two (or more…no shaming!) elite athletes, US gymnast Fred Richard has a solution…

Keep most of your body off the ground.

FINAL: Fred Richard 1 Gravity 0
Credit: Matt Lunsford-USA TODAY Sports

I’m not sure what position this is but the Spanish judge just gave it a 9.8.

Sometimes the solution is a question of mind over matter. Just ask U.S. swimmer and five-time gold medalist Caeleb Dressel.

That’s a 200 pound man barely breaking the surface of water. Is he really going to be stopped by a little cardboard?

Of course, no listing of elite Olympic thirst traps would be complete without Great Britain’s greatest contribution to the genre…

Imagine looking at Tom Daley and your first response is obsessing about structural integrity. Well, actually, I do that a lot but I’m not talking about the bed.

Let’s leave the last word to Ireland gymnast Rhys McClenaghan who decided to perform an experiment in 2021 to test the durability of the beds in Tokyo.

As his conclusion showed, the beds actually held up quite well under repeated pounding so the fears about them collapsing during sex were overblown. Which is also a great word to describe certain athletes as they leave the Olympic Village.