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Ohio State band targets gays and the Holocaust with song-parody book

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The Ohio State University marching band recently had parts of its song-parody book released. The lyrics show the dark underbelly of a secret band culture at the school.

Greg Bartram-USA TODAY Sports

The Ohio State University marching band has long claimed to be somehow better than everyone else. One thing is now painfully clear: While they don't have the "offensive jerk" market cornered, they have found a way to stand out from the rest.

The Wall Street Journal recently released information on the band's song parody book that features horrific lyrics about various classes of people, and the worst of the worst highlight the Holocaust and the homosexuals. From the Wall Street Journal:

The existence of a band songbook of crude parodies first came to light in July 2014 after a university-led investigation into the band's culture. At the time the director, Jon Waters, along with many students and alumni from the band, said the songs—which also featured lyrics about rape, bestiality and homosexuality—had been out of circulation for years and were seldom sung.

But a second, more in-depth investigation of the band, commissioned by the school in late 2014, mentioned that the updated songbook contained a "highly offensive song regarding Jews," although it didn't disclose the lyrics. "Head to the furnace room, ‘Bout to meet your fiery doom," one line of the song reads. "Oh the baking never ends, It goes on and on and on and on."

Of course, the Buckeyes couldn't leave the gays alone with this lovely line equating gays with weakness:

"There's no place as gay as Nebraska, except maybe Michigan U. Where the girls are all hairy, and the boys are all fairies, on your chest we will poo."

So original.

The song book offered this brilliant solution for anyone who didn't like the jokes:

"Some of these [songs] may be offensive to you. If so, you can either ignore them, or you can suck it up, act like you got a pair and have a good time singing them."

For my taste, I'll take the band of my alma mater, Stanford. They aren't boring, they don't take themselves very seriously and when they have fun they're creating phallic formations on the football field, not making Holocaust jokes about ovens or reminding us of how "weak" gay men are.