Update (7/23): After some confusion on our end, Pita Taufatofua is one of Tonga’s flag bearers this year! And lucky us. He looks oily and amazing, per usual

Also, have you checked out the flag bearer for neighboring Vanuatu? Rower Rio Rii is giving Taufatofua some competition for the most oiled-up man in the Pacific.


Pita Taufatofua, the hottest male Olympian, will be Tonga’s flag bearer again this year. The three-time Olympian who went viral for looking like an Adonis in the 2016 and 2018 Opening Ceremonies will compete in Taekwondo.

Now, I have a long-standing policy against swooning for straight guys. It makes me feel like I’m right back in high school, fantasizing about my friends and their toxic masculinity.

But Taufatofua is an exception. I mean, just look at him.

Pita Taufatofua is gorgeous.

The chiseled chest; rock-hard abs; body drenched in oil. I’m salivating — and not alone! Taufatofua’s popularity spreads across all gender identities and sexual orientations.

Lathering up Taufatofua should be an Olympic sport in and of itself.

Oh, and before I forget, Taufatofua is also an exceptional athlete. He competed in Taekwondo five years ago, and will do the same in Tokyo. For the 2018 Winter Games, he participated cross-country skiing.

He even looks good with clothes on!

This year, Taufatofua tried to qualify for three different sports in three consecutive Games, but ran into bad luck. He missed the qualifying event for spring kayaking on two occasions: first due to injury, and then to Covid-19 restrictions.

Taufatofua has been quarantining in Australia since the pandemic began.

I definitely wouldn’t mind quarantining with him.

“We haven’t been able to go to any other countries to do any competition to compete against other people,” he told USA Today. “There were other challenges, but there’s no victory without first going through the battles.”

Forever the optimist, Taufatofua brought his paddles to Tokyo with him, anyway. “We need an Olympic miracle,” he said.

We don’t know for sure what Taufatofua will be wearing, but he’s indicated he’ll once again be donning tradition Tongan garb.

And that’s our own little Olympic miracle.