When the International Olympic Committee announced it would be supplying 450,000 condoms to its athletes for the Olympic Games in Rio this month, the abacuses went into overdrive.
With just over 11,000 athletes at the Games, that comes out to about 42 condoms per athletes. Some of them, of course, will use zero -- There are, believe it or not, a few athletes who are married, monogamous or celibate.
At best guess that would leave, what, 60 condoms for each who is sexually active? 70? 80? I've been to week-long gay cruises, and I'm not quite sure how more than a handful of incredibly talented individuals with some pretty powerful stamina could go through that many in a week. We're considering this a direct response to the Zika virus.
To be sure, the Olympic athletes -- gay, straight and bisexual -- get very active once their events are over. We are talking about in-shape athletes in their late teens, 20s and 30s. Over 10,000 of them.
If you are an Olympic athlete and make your way through your allotted supply of condoms, please reach out to us post-Rio. We'd love to hear from you. To those who didn't get quite to 42, fear not... you're in good company.