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Adam Rippon needs a Xanax, a drink and better Olympic condoms

Rippon still has a few days before his competition is over.

ISU Grand Prix of Figure Skating - Lake Placid - Day 1
Adam Rippon will forever be an Olympic medalist.
Photo by Maddie Meyer - ISU/ISU via Getty Images

It’s the quandary that faces every Olympic athlete.

OK not quite. The Olympics are infamous for providing more condoms than any group of several thousand people could go through in a year, let alone two weeks.

Yet openly gay figure skater Adam Rippon took to Instagram last week to lament the quality — not necessarily the quantity — of the condoms provided to the athletes by the host committee.

“Like, I’m not entirely sure what I was expecting,” Rippon said, as transcribed by the Huffington Post. “I thought maybe they’d have like Olympic rings on them or they’d be all different colors, but, no. It’s all a myth.

“And I’m not, like, upset,” he said with a long pause. “I’m disappointed.”

None of this is a surprise coming from Rippon, who has made a name for himself with some Johnny-Weir-esque commentary.

The fact that he talked about wanting to have a Xanax and a “quick drink” with the judges after his competition Monday just about explains it.

Rippon won a bronze medal — and the hearts of Americans — with his performance in the team event Sunday night.